It’s raining.
It’s wet and dark, but not stormy. You can’t have everything I guess.
I can’t understand people who live in this city who hate the rain because it rains all the damned time. The environment reeks of the rainy West Coast, of moss, coniferous trees, and the smell of sea salt. The city smells alive in the rain, but it also smells of rotting vegetation. But I guess something’s alive amidst all that rot.
I’m walking along the False Creek sea wall, you can tell it’s gonna be especially wet today because not even the sea gulls are out in the rain, they’re all hiding under the trees. I don’t blame them, not good weather for flying. The grass is soaked through to a swampy extreme, the plants are either evergreens or amidst their winter hibernation, most people are inside right now, either in buildings or cars, either hiding from the rain or enjoying the company of others.
I’d say that I’m alone out here but that isn’t the case, there are loyal owners of loyal dogs in the park. Making sure their doggos get their daily exercise, either tossing bright neon balls or letting them play with other dogs. This park isn’t a proper dog park, but when it’s this wet any park is a dog park because no one else would willingly be out here. Well, except me.
Normally I find people during my walks intrusive. They’re like discordant notes in the harmony of the rain: too noisy, too big and moving. But I make special exception for these people, they aren’t out in the rain for themselves, they’re out to make sure their dogs stay healthy.
Big Golden Retrievers, Labs, and mutts with enough working dog in them they don’t care about the wet. I like how dogs seem to smile, that their eyes seem full of gratitude, that they have all the pure delighted excitement that doesn’t care about the little things. One of them runs up to me and drops a stick at my feet, I don’t know why the dog didn’t hand it off to the owner, but I appreciate the gesture.
“Human! Come play with me, I’m having fun, toss the stick!”
Not going to wait for the owner’s permission, nor will I keep the wagging tail attached to a happy smile waiting. I pick up the soaking wet stick and throw it into the middle of the field. The dog creates a spray as it does a 180 and bolts off to the puddle of a park the stick has landed in.
There’s a ghost of a grin on my face as I scrape the rotten bark off my hands. My serenity is broken but the gesture was not wasted because the dog is dancing with the stick, hopping from four legs to two doing a little victory dance no doubt enjoying the patters of water that splash and shape in the rain. I can’t help but feel a little happier at the dog’s joy.
Before the owner can walk up to me I keep walking down the path to a nearby copse of trees. I can’t stay long, I don’t need the human interaction, I need to keep going, I need to find that serenity again before my own limited common-sense kicks in and I am driven back inside.
The rain sounds different when you’re surrounded by trees, the irregular staccato hitting ground and water. Water drops gather on leaves, bounces off leaves, and forms into drips in sizes large and small. The giant puddles in the path adds soft surfaces to the hard, rather than being cacophonous this feels heavenly. I am in the center of a symphony that no percussionist could mimic.
There’s a sodium light in the middle of the copse, glowing that familiar city orange, less disruptive to the eye than the blue-white of many street lights. The cone of light doesn’t produce many deep shadows, but adds warmth to the place, close to firelight minus the red-yellow flickering. I can see the drops that cross the cone of light, regular and irregular, like a musical sheet in real time, little waves and arcs that mimic the noise that hits the orange tinged puddle. Almost mimicking the sound the tiny waves made by rain drops meet, conflict, overpower, and are made again.
For once, there is no trash. No McDonalds wrappers, coffee cups, or other stray bits and pieces of a negligent humanity. It’s nice to pretend that others respect the rain as much as I do.
As I walk from the welcoming glow of the sodium light my eyes scan for shadows, there’s a primal instinct in it, a preparation for ambush, a paranoia that runs down the helix of my DNA that knows that darkness hides in darkness.
Of course there’s something in the shadows. What started with a vague shape becomes a human silhouette as it walks in front of my path. Aggressive stance, feet firmly planted in the ground, arms jutted forward, I don’t have the benefit of the light but I can almost feel the tension of its knuckles as it makes fists. Its eyes are glowing in the darkness, a violet flame that flickers with antagonism. The fire begins licking its skull like a wick burning away its shapelessness into a mouth like a furnace, the violet flame starts pouring from its orifices like liquid fire as it slowly marches toward me. Antagonism becomes malevolence as its form slowly immolates itself in its own hatred of me, a fist becomes an accusing finger as it moans like the last breath of a stabbing victim.
It wants me dead, it wants me punished, it wants me hurt beyond reason to be as crippled as itself. It will leave me a broken shell of a man, it will steal all my happiness, it will…
“Oh Fuck off!”
D&D 5E Cantrip: Claw from Beyond
Warlock Conjuration Cantrip
Casting Time: 1 Action
Range: 60ft.
Components: V,S, Pact Patron
Duration: Instant
Target: 1 Creature
You briefly open a portal large enough for an outisder aligned to your patron to take a swipe at your enemy with their natural weapons.
For a Brief moment, a portal opens and a creature on the other side of the portal makes a melee attack using your spell attack bonus against the Target’s AC. Upon Hit: Does 1d8 Physical† damage and 1d6 energy damage. The energy damage die increases by 1d6 at 5th level (+2d6), 11th level,(+3d6) and 17th (+4d6) level. The outsider taking a swipe may not be enhanced with a spell.
Energy damage is suggested based on patron stereotypes and can be altered as appropriate but should be consistent:
Archfey: Poison
Celestial: Radiant
Fathomless: Cold
Fiend: Fire
Genie: Elemental Type
Great Old One: Psychic,
Hexblade: Necrotic
Undying: Necrotic
†To assign physical damage Roll additional 1d6 to decide if Bludgeoning(1-2), Piercing(3-4), or Slashing (5-6) Or have your DM choose, or the player. As this would be considered a magical attack it overcomes resistance to normal physical damage.
DM Hint: describe the object being used to attack the target: a flaming sword from a scaley arm, a shining wing that radiates light as it punctures the target, a chilling pseudopod that crushes as it freezes, this is a good way to add some flavor to your character’s patron connection.
The Logic Behind This Homebrew.
I came up with this cantrip for the following reasons:
It fills a Niche. For a class so intimately tied to an outsider power source like the Warlock there are few spells the warlock receives that actually reflects the patron itself. The Patron Spells tend to reflect a theme in damage and spells but I feel it to be mechanically shallow.
It’s a cantrip. Because Warlocks receive Eldritch Blast and as a supposedly powerful cantrip-wielder Warlocks should have some more exclusive cantrips as well as exclusive spells. I even noted that this spell requires a pact patron as a component. It is intentionally flavored as such.
It’s powerful. Warlocks get Eldritch blast that has a d10 damage die and uses Force damage, but kinda needs a couple invocations to really boost it out of being a “mere” cantrip. Claw from beyond ultimately mimics a powerful attack from an outsider and is limited within this mindset: It targets AC, the attack comes from one direction, it is single target, and it’s a chance to show the otherworldliness of the Warlock’s patron. The 1d8 physical damage is to reflect that these attacks are in fact physical attacks, and the extra +1d6 of energy damage because it’s literally an attack from an outsider.
How does it balance? The other point behind it’s power is the RNG nature of its damage. Eldritch blast requires an invocation to add Charisma to damage and Agonizing Blast is a flat damage increase. While the range of damage on Claw From Beyond is greater than Eldritch Blast, Eldritch Blast itself (assuming you take Agonizing Blast and honestly I don’t understand why you wouldn’t,) does more consistent damage and gives more opportunity to damage as each beam is rolled separately.
Patron Energy Damage Types: I tried my best to reflect the nature of the patrons through their damage types. Though, the list feels incomplete to me,(especially as people devise additional patron types) but it feels this way because of the nature of thinking of damage dice as a resource of damage, meaning that if a spell had more than one kind of damage type the dice would be divided between Energy Damage types. My Solution to this is Hybrid damage, which is really a house-rule rather than anything I’ve seen written in Official D&D. However, if you should use said house-rule, I would arrange the damage like this:
Archfey: Poison & Psychic
Celestial: Fire & Radiant
Fathomless: Cold & Lightning
Fiend: Fire & Poison
Geine: Elemental Type & Thunder
Great Old One: Acid & Psychic
Hexblade: Cold & Necrotic
Undying: Necrotic & Radiant
Claw From Beyond, outside of its damage dice, is a spell designed to emphasize the connection between Patron and Warlock. It focuses on the idea that Warlocks are conduits and agents for their patron. Rather than manifesting a source of energy damage Ex Nihilo the Warlock opens a brief portal for an outsider to take a Swipe at the target. This offers both a narrative connection as well as a nicely creepy call-back to the power source of the warlock.
If you have any questions or comments I’m interested.
Rod Of Many Tools
Rod of Many Tools
Rod, uncommon (+1), rare (+2), very rare (+3)
This ten-inch rod’s handle is encased in a seasoned wood and capped with a thick nob of brass-coloured metal on either end. The rod always feels heavier than you think. When it takes the form of a tool the metal on either end reshapes to make up the necessary components required of the tool.
This rod is able to take the shape of a variety of tools. As an action, you can touch the item and transform it into any type of artisan’s tool of your choice, or any one-handed or two handed simple or complex tool. Resetting the rod is a free action, transforming the rod still takes an action. The Rod of Many Tools reshapes and expands the metal knobs on each end to the shape of the tool, the rod’s magic allows flexible components and moving parts. When used by a character as part of a relevant skill or profficiency roll the Rod of Many Tools gives a bonus equal to the bonus of the rod, this bonus is determined by the rod’s rarity.
If used as a weapon the Rod is treated as a Slashing(Axe or Blade), Piercing(Pick or Needle), or Bludgeoning(Hammer) weapon upon transformation to a practical form. A one handed weapon does 1d6 of the relevant damage, a two handed weapon does 1d8 damage. The weapon does benefit from the item’s bonus and is treated as a magical weapon.
Everready Medic’s Bag D&D5e Item
Everready Medic’s Bag
Wonderous item, Uncommon, Rare, Very Rare (Requires Attunement)
The Everready Medic’s Bag is a healer’s kit that automatically regenerates 1 use per day as the magic restocks the necessary bandages and medicines. Unlike a healer’s kit the Everready Medic’s bag may be used to enhance a short rest.
By spending 1 use you may patch up a single character taking a short rest allowing them to add your Proficiency Bonus to their Hit Dice for healing purposes, this can be done for as many characters as the bag has charges within the short rest’s allowable time.
The Everready Medic’s Kit gives a +1 bonus to Medicine Skill checks and has an additional effect dependent on rarity.
Uncommon: Allows the user to use the Spare the Dying cantrip
Rare: As Uncommon but also allows the user to cast revivify 1/long rest
Very Rare: As Rare Also allows the user to cast Greater Restoration 1/long rest
And They Came From the North With Terrible Weapons…
I often have issues with inspiration.
It’s easier to work with others so that not only your ideas have people to bouce off, but the ideas being thrown about can outright inspire yet more ideas. This tends to be why I zone out to various image aggregating/storing websites, sometimes something jumps out at me and I think, “Yep, that’s inspiration.”
Well, I saw this image:
Credit to Marcus Vance for posting it but I cannot seem to find the original source, (to my frustration I might add. Any reader who knows where this is from please email I’d love to give fair credit.)
So I’m going to have a bit of fun and Give stats for these abominations of war for D&D 5e.
(I could be convinced to do the same for other games but I did it in 5e because it was popular back in the day.)
Canadian Hockey Club
Modified from a winter game-stick to be a useful peasant’s weapon, the “blade” of the Canadian Hockey Club has been reinforced with metal plates to help it survive rough handling without breakage.
Damage: 1d6 Bludgeoning Weight: 5 lb
Qualities: Reach, Range (40/80), Two Handed
Canadian Modified Hockey Axe
The addition of a riveted axe blade turned the childhood item of play into an effective halberd for any militia solider without compromising it’s use as a launcher of missiles. This was an evolution of the Canadian hockey club making it more effective as a weapon.
Damage: 1d10 Slashing or 1d6 Bludgeoning Weight: 9 lb
Qualities: Complex, Heavy, Reach, Range (40/80), Two Handed
Canadian Regular Hockey Blade
First design implemented globally across commonwealth military, the false edge implemented along the bottom of the blade maintained it’s use as a ranged weapon while the sharp edge at the tip and along the inside allowed devastating wounds against opponents with the benefit of reach and prescision.
Damage: 1d8 Slashing/Bludgeoning Weight: 6 lb
Qualities: Finesse, Range (40/80), Reach, Variable(Bludgeoning), Two Handed
Canadian Hybrid War Pike
Despite fearsome appearance the Canadian Hybrid War Pike was never implemented outside of it’s use in ceremonial parade. While effective as a pike the primary advantage of the weapon in both Melee and ranged engagement never saw it’s use except as an emergency weapon. Described as “too hard to clean afterwards” and “useless in woodland skirmishing” by those familiar with the engagement methods.
Damage: 1d8 Slashing or 1d6 Piercing Weight: 8 lb
Qualities: Finesse, Reach, Two Handed
Canadian Double Bladed Scythe
Favored by Canadian shock troops and similar elite units the Canadian Double Bladed Scythe is an example of the Canadian dry gallows humour. Named because of it’s cutting edge as well as a hockey stick’s still functional “blade,” this weapon is unwieldy in untrained hands but experts have learned to maximize this scythe’s weight to brutal effectiveness in each strike. Astonishly, those same experts are still able to launch a puck with nigh equivelent accuracy.
Damage: 2d6 Slashing or 1d8 bludgeoning Weight: 10 lb
Qualities: Brutal, Complex, Exotic, Heavy, Reach, Range (30/60), Two Handed, Unwieldy (Str 16, Dex 14)
Ammunition
The Puck
Made originally from a combination of Leather, rope, sinew, and now commonly rubber, the puck has not terribly evolved from it’s origins as a ball on the ice. However due to it’s construction and the necessity of the material elasticity the puck has remained a weighty and dangerous projectile.
Damage: 1d6. Bashing.
Qualities: Ricochet
The Berry-Shot Puck
An independent evolution to grapeshot, the Berry-shot puck was constructed to break apart after launch to maximize the probability of hitting small game birds and small game. Popular due to it’s opportunistic design, it’s also a favorite of ex-military poachers.
Damage: 1d6 Bashing.
Qualities: Hunting (small game & birds).
The Bodkin Puck
Unlike it’s cylindrical cousins the bodkin puck is a cube of metal made with very angular points. Capable of piercing heavier armor this deadly ammunition made the Canadian feared by Heavy Troops and Cavalry.
Damage: 1d6. Piercing
Qualities: Armor-Piercing
The Flechette Puck
Essentially a barbed caltrop enveloped in a fragile ball of resin. The resin breaks on contact with a target allowing the barbs to sink into flesh. Though especially grizzly, these weapons became effective means of wounding troops to take alive.
Damage: 1d6 Slashing.
Special Qualities: Barbed(1d4)
The Puck-de-Corbin
Named not after a Corvid’s beak but after a Corvid’s reputation on the battle field, these pucks were designed to maximize their range without sacrificing their ability to deliver a hit or ricochet off of a nearby target. An early application of the airfoil to maximize distance while maintaining effective force.
Damage: 1d6. Qualities: Ricochet, Sail
Qualities:
Armor-Piercing – Damage from ammunition against Heavy Armor gains advantage on hit.
Barbed – Ammunition is designed to stick inside the target, removing the ammunition without a DC 20 Heal Check with a healer’s kit or equivalent tools causes listed damage.
Complex – The weapon has more than one source of damage, the wielder chooses which damage to apply when used in an attack.
Hunting – the weapon is designed to hunt certain game more effectively, attack and damage is given advantage against the specific kind of target (or approximate equivalent).
Ricochet – Exceeding target AC by more than 5 allows the wielder to strike another target within 10ft of the last target, but damage from a ricochet is disadvantaged on the roll.
Sail – Ammunition increases the normal range of the weapon when used.
Unwieldy – Due to construction or complexity this weapon has a stat requirement to use with proficiency, the character must have the stat to use the weapon with proficiency.
Variable – Designed to do more than one type of damage, will list the secondary type.
Eldritch Word 